Same Mistake

I was just reading a random blog. And, I am feeling all emo before my test tomorrow. Hahakz. So I am just going to rant on this blog. Hope I don’t attract random readers.

Oh well. What should I rant about? Okay. I suddenly feel lonely all over again. Hahakz. Like, I don’t know. There’s a lot of people around me, but as I was traveling back home just now on the bus, my thoughts spoke of how I have to face EVERYTHING on my own, sooner or later. Like I got to quit thinking that I am just lucky and that only others are miserable. Cause if I get too comfortable over the fact of being lucky, I might end up being miserable too.

Hmm. So yes I’ve been flooding myself with songs and as I was saying, I read a random blog. Of a girl who loves her significant other lots. How she realize that she didn’t really appreciate him but knows very much he is very patient with he nonsensical behavior. Hmm. It set me thinking la. But perhaps she thinks he is the one. And that they probably had enough will and patience for one another. Like they saw that both of them meant a lot to each of them.

So I was just thinking, how come I am not like that? Like I used to see all this, like being appreciative in words, but I don’t know if I really do appreciate the significant other. Oh well, the significant other always insisted that I don’t appreciate him. So in my head goes like ‘I am never appreciative’ though I MAY HAVE TRY.  Hmm. K no hard feelings.

It’s just that I am a kind of person that doesn’t express my love much. Like that day Jiayu was just telling me that deep down inside me is actually a very soft hearted and a caring woman. And she just knew that. She only realised that like after 4 to 5 years of friendship? So now I understand how people cannot understand that complicated fact of me. So I should give them time? But somehow, people insisted of me CHANGING instead of realising that in me.

I hate changes. I have to declare that to everyone who wants to know me. I believe that only I will make the necessary changes in my life at my own will. Although last time I thought that is such a selfish act, but hey, it doesn’t do me any good too of changing into someone that you I don’t recognise.

Oh well. Rant and rant. Ok just let me rant. Hahakz.

And then I thought, how the hell people get to stick to their significant others for like 4,5 even 7 years? Will they get married soon? Hahakz. I can’t even hold onto a year’s relationship.

Or I just end up with the wrong person?

Okay yes I did end up with the wrong person.

I shall declare that it ain’t easy to get over a relationship, despite whoever step into your life, whoever that has always been there, and whoever you are trying to get rid of.  Some people still mourn over a guy who has lived happily ever after.

I am not mourning over a  guy. I am mourning over the things that happen to us. What we did. What we could have done and what could have not happen.

But oh well. It’s the wrong match. So neither of us are at fault. Just got to learn a lesson. Don’t get into a relationship too quickly. Just wait for the right time.

Everything can be so sweet now, but so bitter then.

My Hero

My Hero – Paramore

Too alarming now to talk it out
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He’s ordinary

Don’t the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He’s ordinary

Kudos my hero leaving all the best
You know my hero, the one that’s on

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He’s ordinary

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He’s ordinary

No Boundaries

I think Adam Lambert’s “No Boundaries” sounds pretty cool. Hahakz.

I’ve been downloading songs ever since yesterday.

I am sitting down right in front of my lappie, babbling away in this entry.

School starts on tuesday.

The singing probably makes the day gloomy right now.

It was so hot just now.

Lol.

Anyway, didn’t go out to study today.

Best friend and I really have a great deal of telepathy. We have our periods on the same day.

I really think best friend has a great Faith in God.

And I don’t.

Oh well.

Hahakz.

I know this is a lame entry.

But I just feel like typing, but don’t feel like doing it properly.

I want to study

I want to be hardworking as before

I am not ready for projects to come

I ain’t ready to be busy.

I still want to enjoy hanging out and stuff.

I want to do what I like.

Urgh

This is going no where.

Haiz.

Sunset is great. Don’t you think so?

Woman! Hahakz.

And then I browse those photos of you and I.

You’ve change, I’ve changed too.

Should move on.

28th May 2009

If you’re not the one

This is a super old song by Daniel Bedingfield. I first listened to it when I was in sec 3. If I’m not wrong it was someone’s favourite song. It was those good old days.

But oh well, when I finally listen to it again, it doesn’t really bring much of the impact; I guess I’ve really grown far apart from those times I had back then.

I’m so oh-bored when I got home from the airport. Yes I went studying at airport and I can’t remember the last time I was there. I went with a friend, and that friend of mine told me there is a MACd at Terminal 3. Clever me went up and down the DEPARTURE hall and could not get that MCD. So how? I decided to fly to T2. And then friend messaged ” The McD is at Arrival Hall, right at the end.”

Thanks friend! So I had to fly back to T3. Luckily friend hasn’t arrived yet. So I sat down, gobbled down fries and ice lemon tea and shortly after that, my friend arrived.

And then I sat down with my notes of employment law, and friend sat down with his notes, which then changed to a humonguous textbook of CALCULUS. I was like, what is that man! Hahakz.

Friend got sleepy of calculus 2 hrs later, and I got bored of  LAW.

Hahakz. So we folded hearts and then made our way to T1 to go to the viewing mall, and friend and I crapped and then headed to the bus terminal to catch a bus home.

Happy Day with friend.

Anyway. Sorry friend, I didn’t disclose your name. Hehe. Keep people in suspense.

So, yes I came home, bored. I went to facebook, played games, get bored then go to youtube and search on some songs. Yea. Found out that voice is rusty. Needed some polishing. Hahakz.

I downloaded songs, sync iPod and I really think now I need a 8gb iTouch. Donation anyone?

So bored bored bored. Well tests are next week and not looking forward to the opening of school, all those gruesome projects and submissions will just kill everyone plus need to chiong for exams after that. Oh My God. Help.

No pictures to post, maybe I should post some pics from the DBA 01 Sentosa outing on Monday!

Randomm

I don’t know what I should name this post. I just feel like blogging. Just came back from a study session with Jin Wei. He came only like close to 5pm? And his motivation to complete IAF was dampened by the thoughts of school reopening and the presence of PROJECTS!

We crapped lots about school, had dinner at Esplanade@MakanSutra. I guess the fried rice didn’t do me good and Jin Wei should have just ordered 10 sticks of satay instead of 15.

Oh well, it was a great meet up. At least this time I didn’t rot alone at starbucks. And I found an empty starbucks, which means less people than other starbucks. Lol. Yes. Hahakz. Shall go there now instead of other places. But everytime you sit at starbucks, your bucks will be gone too. Oh well.

Sentosa tomorrow with 01 peepz! Miss them lots and this time I should really join them since I have not been going for gatherings quite a number of times.

What else to post? I am not looking forward to school though.

The thoughts of walking away from you keep lingering in my mind. I don’t know why but I just wanted to make a firm decision. I just didn’t want to turn back by your pleas.

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Mad

Today is an itchy and empty day.  Contradicting adjectives. Anyway, I went out to study at usual mac. But then, I just couldn’t concentrate. I don’t know why, I was just so occupied by a certain matter. So I decided to pack, and take a stroll down city hall.

1st stop: War Memorial Park

I walked towards that memorial park, that I used to have moments at. Every kind of moment. I sat down on one of the benches. I just sat there and my thoughts flew back to times before.

I stood up then, continued walking.

2nd stop: Esplanade

I walked to the open air stage and decided to sit down. Again, my thoughts just flew to the different different times. I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything.

I don’t know what has got into me, but yes, I just flew back to those moments be it happy or sad.

I sat there for a while, till I finally got back to sanity and decided to continue studying at esplanade library.

And finally, I was productive.

But today was really empty. Emptiness filled with gone memories.

I cannot say that I am not affected by what you asked me yesterday.

But I just want to move on.

Without you

And what’s even worst we don’t even remember why we were fighting

If I’m not in Love with You

If Im not in love with you
What is this Im going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If Im not in love with you

And if I dont need your touch
Why do I miss you so much
Tonight
If its just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought Id never
Give again to someone I could lose
If Im not in love with you

Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Lying with you baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me

If Im not in love with you
What is this Im going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If Im not in love with you

I was once in love with this song. Yes memories will keep haunting you back, but you got to move on. For all broken hearted lovers out there. It’s just a phase you got to face in life. I once fear it so much, but now, I am brave to face it. It makes me a better person, it makes you a better person.

So please, don’t think about me.

Your Guardian Angel

Ok that’s basically the title of a song that I ever sang. Just that some bummer forget to video it down, oh well, till the next gig maybe I can get it video-ed.

Anyway, I’m oh so bored now. I went studying alone at macs today and I feel that it’s been so long since I keep touch with those dusty notes. I know that I’ve been wasting my time this whole term not listening in lectures and stuff and not concentrating well, so I felt that it’s really the first time that I use my brain properly.

I didn’t stay long, I never do when I am alone. I did my investment analysis and a chapter on compensation and then I packed and leave. So many ‘AND’. Anyway drop by bedok interchange to search for torchlight for camp, but called home to check if there is one at home. Fortunately there is so I need not waste money on torchlights.

Camp starts tomorrow till wednesday. I don’t know what we are going to do tomorrow though, with 5 people preparing for the camp and our dear camp chief wanting us to stay over without a proper room to sleep. Oooohhh. How? See how lor. The most get chased by the security guards.

I slept at 4 am yesterday. Body clock is super spoiled now. But oh well, it’s spoiled for some GOOD reason. I hope.

My digestive system sucks again. I think I need to go to the gym. I just went last week, but I didn’t do much, so I am getting fat. Urgh!

What else? Should I proceed to the books waiting on the table now? Or continue to facebook? There is nothing interesting on facebook now anyways. Haiz.

Oh ya, I watched tv just now! It’s been a week since I did that, since I laze around the tv cause I’ve been out till late each day.

Don’t feel like staying over tomorrow. Can I don’t? Unless with some great company? Hahakz.

Okay, that’s it.

Go on now, stop reading already!

Holidays

Holidays are here, but I am busy with school each day this week. Today is the 3rd day of holiday, and I have not touched my books. Yes I know I am a bit kiasu but next week is camp and the week after is class chalet. So I got no choice but to study this week.

Anyway, I’ve been doing fine, at least I feel so much like myself. I didn’t let it get so much into me, cause after all, it’s over. Only some people never get it. Oh well, I ain’t in their shoe, so I cannot judge anything. What I know is that I am myself, not even close to anything that other’s judge me. I am still glad that I really have a lot of people around me, at least my true friends to really stand by me. I am really glad and I love them.

Okay let’s see, I’ve been enjoying much from saturday up till today, just feeling so care free. Hahakz. Oh well, except for camp, either than that I really am enjoying myself. On saturday I laughed all the way from Far East Plaza to school. You may be wandering why. Yiling has this laughing thingy that everytime I meet her now we will laugh non-stop. Apparently that’s what happen to us when we went to Orchard.  Went back to school for Spac2go AGM and after that headed to Fahmi’s 21st chalet.

It feels good to hang around the usual people, and I feel good hanging out with my bandmates. Wish could stay longer but it was in Gombak, so I have to make a move.

Next day I met up with the girls, A’in, Raihanah and Prasanna! We caught Monsters vs Aliens. Hahakz it was quite hilarious but not worth my 10 bucks though. Well we did a little of catching up, didn’t stay up too late cause apparently A’in and Anah still have school the day after. Anyway, we were back to our old secondary school days; we decided to take neoprints!

On Monday, I went gym with Susi and what do we know, we bumped into Irman, Anuar and Yuni. Oh well, my stamina sucks already, I can’t even last 10 minutes running. Never mind, then Susi and I decided to explore more of the gym, till we decided to stop and wait for the guys to go for a lap of swim. So then after bathing and stuff, I ran to settle some camp stuff, and then off home to dump my stuff.

Ok let’s just go to Tuesday. Went to school again, accompanied dear camp chief in the club room but no one actually came to hand in the indemnity form and money. Pathetic. Left at 4, met Jiayu for astons and then we went to Far East to shop. Hahakz she was one happy girl yesterday cause she bought two dresses and a pair of sandals. I did joined in the fun; I bought myself a dress too. Can’t help it that it is the GSS period. Okay, so then we took 518 to Tampines to meet Inez for some catching up session.

Great meet up with the girls, we stayed till 11.30 at tampines medium mac. Then cabbed home.

Today, I got some MOE focus grp discussion thingy in school. Quite lazy for it. But oh well, I’m gonna meet daddy later. So long never see him! Hahakz. More catching up to do!

It feels good to be around friends again. And I will not let my life be ruined by nonsensical people around me.  They certainly have no rights to do so.