I need to Post

I always get inspired to blog after reading a few blogs.  I get inspired by reading two close friends’ blog a moment ago and here I am telling myself, “I need to post.”

Okay, I realised I’ve never feel so lethargic these days before. It has been like this for the past 2 weeks? Plus to think that I don’t really have much to do for all my projects, I realise I don’t have big parts to cover or what, but still I really feel the stress and stuff. I think I don’t get my job done fast enough, and it piles up every single time. Oh well. Not to mention that I miss classes now, like 8am BD lessons and Friday’s Dora Lesson. Lol.

I miss those days that I will get my part done on time and things like that, like I am that super focus person. I think I kinda lose focus due to a lot other things going on in my life right now. It really ain’t a good time to have so many things happening at once.

I hope I get back on track soon, cause exams are approaching soon and carries the heaviest weightage for all the modules. I fear for BD, there is only a week to put everything together, and amidst of all those, there are still other projects to look into.

I wonder if working life is going to be this difficult?

On a lighter note, I met up with Andre and Jia Yu yesterday. Roxanne was there too and it’s really the first time I get to talk to her and I think she’s cool, and Andre and her makes up much a pretty cool couple. Hahakz. It’s great hanging out with them, catching up and stuff. For the first time, I didn’t feel like updating anything cause I so wish not to talk about it cause that personal life of mine for the past 3 weeks was full of drama. Lol. It would be a typical drama of life you watch on every channel you can find on your tv set.

Today was pretty cool. I went to Esplanade with a certain someone who bought me ice blended cookies and cream and then left me there to do my work. I was then approached by two groups of people and I thought it was weird. The first group of people wanted to share table so that they could use the power point but then I told them the other power point was not working. So they were pretty disappointed and left me alone then. Next, two guys came and said “Hi Miss, can we share the table with you?” And I thought it was pretty much the same situation but they said they didn’t want to use the laptop. I was like.. Okay, sure. Hahakz

But anyway I left then to head for lunch at Popeyes. Kak Molly was just telling me about she wanting to eat popeye on facebook and then that someone decided we should have popeye.

I bought books yesterday with Andre at 3 for 5 bucks. How cool is that right, and I so wish I have the time to read now. I have 3 books in total, waiting to be flipped, so I need the holidays, some greenery or waters around me and I just want to read!

Great times, great day.

The Week Continues

This is the 2nd week of struggling through projects. Yes, I should be doing risk analysis right now and also probably do up slides for CBM, but oh man, I just got no mood. I need to sleep, tomorrow I am going to study. I seriously got to clear all this by saturday. Some people still can travel here and there and sit around like nothing is happening. Oh well, projects always bring out the best and the worst in everyone else. Including myself.

Okay, enough said about the draining projects. But seriously, what else is there to talk about besides projects now? I have been having quite a good time with Amelia, exploring bridal shops and shopping for stuff needed for photo frames prototype, not forgetting also, sourcing for furnitures. The mood of doing FYP with her is good, she always brings out the positive side and when I get back to the whole group, my motivation just went down. I don’t know if it’s the rest of the group mates but yes, Amelia is really a fun person to hang out and do stuff with. Like BD! Hahakz. I don’t understand how come other people do not treat her well. It’s okay girl, I am here for you. =)

Well, been busy. I want to meet up my friends but there don’t seem to be any space to really meet up. I am burning some time that I could use to do work and study this weekend to meet up with them! Yes. I miss them loads, especially that woman named How Jia Yu. I have lots to tell and updates, and I’m sure she does too. Have not seen Andre and Inez for quite some time. I say Shing Chun the other time, but we did not catch up much. Oh man. I hate school now. It hinders me from doing things that I really enjoy.

Other than that, I want to spend time with my band, doing up songs or just lazing around. Miss hanging out with them, but no worries, I have jamming with them soon! Hahakz. And it’s like 2 days before dooms day on 3rd Aug, 8am when Marketing Phase for Business Development will happen. Hahakz.

Exaggerating me nowadays. I shall go back to Global Business Environment now.

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You are Not Alone – Michael Jackson

Another Day has gone
I’m still all alone
How could this be
You’re not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart
But you are not alone

‘Lone, ‘lone
Why, ‘lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I’ll come runnin’
And girl you know that I’ll be there
I’ll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart

For you are not alone…

Everything

Too many things on my mind, too many confusions, too many work, too many brain cells died each day, too many LACK of sleep, too much being a player, too much of telling myself  “Hidayah, stop it.”

There are just too many things running on my mind each day. See, even till I forget that I am suppose to blog after like one hour loading this page? Sad.

I’ve been flooded with projects, and so is everyone else. So I shouldn’t complained cause everyone is struggling as hard. It’s just the matter of how focus and how you look at things. I have been feeling a bit bitter when I go to school each time, well you can refer to my previous post why. But I am trying to block that out too. And just laugh whenever I can.

I lost a pillar to lean on, but I have so many others whom I could actually lean on, but I choose not to. I guess I am still egoistic person trying my best to search for the right one, despite those that come by.

Even so, though I am firm and decided, but sometimes I am swayed to my emotions and it set me thinking every now and then. And then I do stupid things, leading stuff and things like that and at the end of the day, I get myself upset for it.

Oh well, it’s human being nature to be like that. I guess I am not strong enough to avoid all these things. I am still trying my best to build that strength despite everything else in the way, but oh well, everyone makes mistakes.

I dwell on things when they don’t go my way, I explore my thoughts thinking like “what if I do this, what if I do that, what if I shut up, what if I want to be alone.. “

It’s always that two words that haunt me.. “What if?”

And guess what, “What if I am scared?”

Yes I am actually covered with fear while trying so hard to build a pillar of strength for my own good.

I am crazy, nuts, and insane right now. Don’t even bother asking why, I just needed to rant my thoughts. And as long when you meet me and I say “I am fine, never been better.” Then you shall stop there and not said “I don’t think so, Hidayah.”

It’s just those times of battling with your emotions that I am facing right now.

I can even be munching down sausage mc muffin and then suddenly thought, “Is it too late to say a yes?”

Hidayah, Hidayah

Friend

So much about other things in life, but I realise I never really talk about friends. Like deep thoughts on the word “friendship”.

Friendship has been something really special to me. No doubt that I have lots of friends, but of course there are only a few who I really treasure and will make my day. These friends are those that really stand by you through the tick and thin of life and take the efforts to understand me.

No doubt that sometimes there will be misunderstandings between friends but I am glad at least we solve it and understand each other better. After all, it’s another form of relationship, apart from those disheartening relationships and those family ties that we have in life.

I still don’t think that friends should just shut themselves up and just drift away in any situation. Furthermore, I really treasure friends who really care for me, especially in actions, cause after all, actions speak louder than words.

But I cannot help it  knowing  all those caring acts suddenly disappear in thin air without any clue. It’s like as if I am a disposable friend. [Hahakz, I still remember that term came from Elroy last time]

Well, yes. Now I really feel like a disposable friend. You just come and go, be nice to me and then you left. Yet I have to see you each day.

And admit it, your actions are cold.

Even if you don’t want to have any friendship ties with me, give me a reason will you? Cause it’s not like we don’t have to face one another.

On a lighter note, to those true friends and good friends of mine, whoever I call a friend, those who listen to me, maybe not each time but at least ever hear me out once in my life, I thank you for being there. As a friend.=)

And I really kept this in me for quite some time.

Super Bored

I’m listening to all time favourites on my iTunes, Behind these Hazel Eyes.  And I am oh-so-bored.

I went jogging at bedok reservoir today. Decided that I should just do it.I enjoyed much though I died halfway. Lol. But I just decided to walk, enjoy looking at the kinda life around you, how funny people jog and stuff like that.

I came home and died again on the bed, wash-up and decided to squish in all the compensation notes into my brain. It’s not as bad as employment law. But I can’t even last to the 3rd chapter and I am already here.

I can’t wait for tomorrow, though I’ve got really nothing to look forward to except meeting up with Prassie for a dose of Timbre and good music! Yes. Hahakz. I hope it will be a good meet up, and I think before that I shall go home and read a book that I borrowed from the library like few days ago.

Weekends are pretty awesome things to look forward to. I finally can meet up with my poly forum people at Yuzhi’s party. Miss them truck loads. Sunday meeting up with the bandies to have our session. Yupz. Well, then I ain’t sure what else is going to happen after that. But I shall be positive.

And I actually manage to come up with a song. I think cause I am too inspired by Haq’s first paragraph. Hahakz. It’s not really good but I think it reflects so much of what I feel all this while. And I just came up with it without listening to any song to steal lyrics here and there. Just that, I got no tune to it yet. Hopefully Haq comes out with something. Here it is:

No Where to Go

i knew u want me to stay
thru out the nite wif u
i knew u want me to say
dat i’ve always love you

But you know deep down
this broken heart of mine
I have no will
To carry on with you

Cause everything is gone
Everything is gone away
Can’t you see, we’ve got nowhere, nowhere to go

Cause there’s nothing we can do
Nothing I will do
Nothing you will do
To make this right
Tell me where you’ve been
Tell me why you left me
When I’ve got nowhere to go

The look in your eyes
Have made me smile
But now it’s gone
I’ve got no where to go….

No where to go

Cause everything is gone
Everything is gone
Can’t you see, I’ve nowhere to go
Cause there’s nothing we can do
Nothing I will do
To make this right

We’ve got nowhere to go.

Yupz. Inspiring. Ok not la, its like so amateur-ish work of mine. Hahakz.

101 things

Okay, that title just pop out of nowhere. Cause I figure I really need to have 101 million things to occupy myself. And one of the thing should be stopping myself from reading blogs of other people who are happily in love! Wee.

Ok, yesterday went out with Inez and Jia Yu. Had a great time overall. We talked, laugh, eat and count stars. Yes! I fulfil my promise to How Jia Yu okay! Lol. But too bad cause there wasn’t many stars. I figure that we were at the wrong place of Singapore, Inez said it’s just with the wrong people.

But anyway, we dig up each other’s life yesterday night, what has been happening in each other’s personal life. Jia Yu has lots to say as usual, I can’t believe I have things to say too. Inez has a share of experience, and she reminds me so much of myself back then. I change a little after much experience so I can say I am a mix of her and Jia Yu now? Lol. But I agree more on Inez side la though I still agree with Jia Yu that she can take some INITIATIVE.

Cause guys are a weird species.

I don’t know why we are made for each other. Lol.

Okay, enough ramblings, great night spend. We decided on our jogging date and so probably the next time we will meet will be then?

Hmm, I was really tired yesterday and so I slept at 12.15! Yayness. I can sleep early now. I drown myself with lots of  ELS notes before I met them, by the time we finish dinner, I was feeling so sleepy, but manage to stay awake for all the talkings.  So I went home and died on the bed.

I can actually wake up at 7 plus, like the normal school timing, well partly because there was a message too. Hahakz. Other than that, I decided to sleep till 12? Lol.

Okay I’m going to go to the nearest library from now on cause I figure it’s not that difficult to get seats at the neighbourhood library. Then I planned to come home around 5 so that I can go for a jog. I hope that will work. Lol

So two more papers to go, and then we can breathe a little before the whole hectic life comes again.